


Red Light, Stop

by WarriorBeeoftheSea



Series: Love Game [4]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Carry On Countdown (Simon Snow), Conversations While Wearing Trousers, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, DEC 12 - Crack!, M/M, Plot With Porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-18 13:13:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21761425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarriorBeeoftheSea/pseuds/WarriorBeeoftheSea
Summary: Rhys rolls his eyes, too. “They don’t care, Gareth. It’s stupid anyway.”Gareth ignores him. “It’s a competition. To see who can go the longest without. You know.”We all stare blankly at him. Baz speaks up. “We really don’t know, though.”Rhys is blushing. “I told you, it’s stupid.”Dev leans forward in his seat. “Well now I’m really curious. Do tell.”“Oh!” Penny looks up from her porridge. “Are you hinting at No Nut November?” We all swivel our heads to gape at her. She shrugs. “What, I have the internet.”
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: Love Game [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1552981
Comments: 35
Kudos: 250
Collections: Carry On Countdown 2019





	Red Light, Stop

**Baz**

This whole thing starts off as a completely stupid bet. I, of course, abstain (no pun intended). But then Snow _has_ to go and make it _my_ problem.

**Simon**

We’re sat around a table in the dining hall. It’s a Saturday morning, so we’re all a bit lazy. I’m sitting with Penny next to me. Baz is across from me, and we keep making eyes at each other, but Penny says we don’t hide it well.

Ah well.

He and I have been fooling around for a few weeks. I guess that makes us something, but I’m not sure what. We haven’t told anyone. Penny guessed after looking at my face the morning after we had sex the second time. Do I have an _I just shagged my roommate_ face? I don’t know. She still won’t tell me how she figured it out.

Dev and Niall, Baz’s friends, are sitting with us. I’m not sure if they know about me and Baz. But they don’t seem to object to sitting with me and Penny at breakfast, at any rate.

Gareth and Rhys show up late and join us. “Lads, I just heard about the craziest thing,” Gareth begins. Penny clears her throat. “Sorry. Lads and Penelope.” She rolls her eyes.

Rhys rolls his eyes, too. “They don’t care, Gareth. It’s stupid anyway.”

Gareth ignores him. “It’s a competition. To see who can go the longest without. You know.”

We all stare blankly at him. Baz speaks up. “We really don’t know, though.”

Rhys is blushing. “I told you, it’s stupid.”

Dev leans forward in his seat. “Well now I’m really curious. Do tell.”

“Oh!” Penny looks up from her porridge. “Are you hinting at No Nut November?” We all swivel our heads to gape at her. She shrugs. “What, I have the internet.”

I’m afraid to ask, but I do anyway. “What is No Nut November?” None of the boys answer. Baz is trying to look bored, but I can tell he’s not really.

“Oh, it’s this moronic competition to see who can go the longest without coming.” Penny says it so matter of fact, I almost choke on my tea.

“Why would anyone do that though?” asks Niall.

“Do what though,” says Gareth. “Come, or try not to?”

Niall looks at him like he’s an idiot. “Obviously I know why someone would want to come.”

I feel a flush spread across my face. And I try not to think of Baz making me come just this morning.

Baz is studying his teacup carefully and avoiding eye contact.

“For what, bragging rights?” Niall asks.

Gareth grins. “Or we could make it a bet.”

Baz frowns. “That is completely moronic.”

Penny takes a sip of her tea, and then looks round the table. “Are you lot going to do it, then?”

Niall looks at her. “I’d have thought you’d be all equal opportunity, Bunce. You don’t want to participate?”

Gareth grins. “Girls don’t wank.”

Penny glares at him. “Girls do wank. And I’m not going the whole of November without getting off.”

We’re all shocked into silence. Except Baz. “I’m not doing it, either.” He locks eyes with me. “And I don’t think any of you lads will last a day.”

A thrill runs up my spine and I almost squirm in my seat. A day? I want to pull Baz up to our room and lose this competition this hour.

“What shall we wager,” asks Niall.

“Winner’s choice,” says Gareth.

Rhys frown. “But what about if we lose? Like, what happens if we don’t make it the rest of the month?”

Baz smirks. “Yeah, what happens if you lot can’t last a day, much less a month? As I predict.”

Dev grins evilly. “Baz’s choice.”

Baz sits up straighter. “What? Why?”

“Neutral third party. It’s not like you have any stake in whether any of us succeed or not.”

I swallow nervously, and feel Baz’s eyes flick to my throat.

Penny clears her throat. “How about Baz and I decide the consequences together. Fair and balanced, and all that.”

“Fine.” Dev holds out a hand to me. “You in, Snow?”

**Baz**

We’re back in our room, and Simon is pacing. I’m pretending to ignore him while I read on my bed. It’s been no more than 3 hours since his last orgasm and he already looks like he’s going through withdrawal.

“Right, so. It’s already November, so it doesn’t matter if I start tomorrow, yeah? So maybe I can get my fill the rest of the day, and then I’ll be all set.”

“Snow, you imbeciles all agreed to start now. That would be cheating.”

He growls in frustration. “Why did we all agree to that?”

“Clearly no one wanted to admit to needing to rub one out before the competition.”

He sits down heavily at his desk and hassles his curls.

“Do you even wank that much?” I can’t recall ever walking in on him, or hearing any suspicious sounds, or noticing any exceedingly long showers in the years we’ve lived together. (I’m not sure if he can say the same for me. I like to think I’ve always been stealthy, but Chomsky knows I’ve done a lot of wanking in this room.)

He looks at me and just shrugs. “I guess not, it’s just…”

I wait to find out what it _just_ is, but he doesn’t elaborate. I go back to my book. Maybe if I pretend I don’t care he’ll tell me what he’s thinking.

“Baz…” he ventures after a long moment. “Do you… you know.”

“I do not know.” I flick to the next page and try to look bored. (I do know. I’m just taking the piss.) 

“You know what I mean!”

I scoff. “Are you seriously too afraid to say the word _wank_ after everything we’ve done in this room?”

He blushes and frowns at me. “Wanking’s different though.”

“Says the man who’s sucked my cock.”

“Baz!” I can tell he’s getting agitated. His magic is beginning to spark the air. Normally I’d leave the room, or taunt him, or otherwise try to make him miserable. Well. Normally _before._ Normally, _now,_ means _getting_ him off so he doesn’t _go_ off. 

_(Could the source of Simon’s uncontrollable magic be teenage horniness and overbearing repression?)_

I realize that in the last few weeks I’ve volunteered myself as Simon Snow’s personal pressure release valve.

“Love.” I put my book down, and swing my feet to the floor. “Why does this matter so much to you?”

He tugs at his curls again. “I don’t know! I’ve just… never had much control— or— I don’t know, connection to that part of myself.”

Uh oh. Is this turning into a heart to heart? I smile wryly at him. “What part of yourself?”

“The part that wants to get off all the time.”

Hm. “So you’re making up for lost time?” I mentally count the number of orgasms I’ve given Snow since we started all this. And I imagine he’s rubbed out a few himself when I’ve been otherwise occupied.

“I guess?” It’s more of a question than it seems like it has any right to be. Who doesn’t know themselves like that?

“Simon,” I start, and he gives me a soft look. Ah, shit. I didn’t mean to break out the first name. I reach for his hand. In for a penny, in for a pound. “Why did you agree to that inane bet, then? You look like you’re going to set the whole school ablaze if you don’t get off every few hours.”

He’s blushing like mad now, but lets me take his hand. “I didn’t want them to know I need it so much.”

I think I partly understand that, but I partly don’t. “No one would have to know you opted out because you’re too horny. You could just say it was stupid, like I did. Plausible deniability."

“Yeah, well, people believe it when _you_ say something is stupid. They would have thought I had something to hide.”

I snort. “You really are exceedingly earnest. Anyway, it's nothing to be ashamed of, Snow. Everybody does it.”

He scrubs his free hand across his face. “How am I possibly going to do this?”

I wonder for a moment if I should be supportive or antagonistic. We haven’t exactly picked out china patterns, or formalized our relationship in any way.

I decide on whatever will keep Simon coming back to my bed. Because I am weak, and not at all ashamed to admit I occasionally think with my dick.

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out, Snow. Now if you don’t mind, I really could do with a good wank after all this talk, so could you leave?”

He just gapes at me. Stammers. “But— but— you— and we— but— Baz!”

I smirk at him. “I’m kidding, of course.” He visibly relaxes. I give him a darker look. “You don’t have to leave.”

He sputters again. “Baz! I’m really trying to do this! I can’t fail in the first hour!”

I sit back on my bed, and start working at my belt buckle. “Then I suggest you avert your eyes, Snow.”

He stomps out of our room and slams the door. I hear a frustrated growl on the other side of it. I wasn’t actually planning to wank; that was just a way to torment him. But that sexually frustrated growl really sets me on edge.

Might as well. It might be awhile before Snow is willing to join me again. 

**Simon**

I wonder vaguely to myself whether it’s possible to die from sexual frustration. _What would the nurse say?_

I lean my forehead against the cool wall of the stairwell, and wonder what to do with myself. I can’t stay here, imagining Baz getting himself off. There’s too much of a chance I might hear him, and then it’s all over.

I sigh and walk down the stairs. It’s a dreary November day, and I don’t really want to be wandering outside. But I don’t know where else to go.

Gareth and Rhys’ door is open when I walk past their floor, and Rhys calls out to me. “All right, Simon?”

I pause, and approach their door. “All right, yeah. You?”

Before he can answer, there’s a thud above our heads. I look up at the ceiling and frown. Rhys shakes his head, then grins. “We keep hearing strange things from Baz up there. Do you know what he’s doing?”

I shake my head. I don’t trust myself to speak.

“Ah, must be whenever you’re out, or you’d probably know what I mean.”

And that’s when I hear it. A rhythmic creaking. I feel the colour drain from my face.

Rhys looks sheepish. “Yeah… we can kind of tell whenever he’s, uh… enjoying himself. His bed’s right over mine, so it’s easy to tell.”

My eyes widen. Rhys and Gareth know. The know about me and Baz. _Shit_.

“I suppose it’s lucky you haven’t encountered it, though, right?” Rhys shrugs. “It’s not that big of a deal, I suppose, but no one likes interrupting their roommate mid-wank.”

They don’t know. Rhys just thinks that Baz is a prolific wanker.

I finally manage to get my heart rate under control. “Yeah, thank magic I haven’t walked in on all that going on.” I try to laugh. “Can you imagine?”

Rhys laughs. “Did he kick you out of the room just now? That’s rude.”

I shrug. “Yeah, well, you know Baz.”

“Right, mate. Sorry. Good luck with that one.”

I nod, and slip out to continue down the stairs. I’m going to have to talk to Baz about sound-proofing.

**Baz**

Simon returns to our room an hour later, carrying books from the library.

I smirk at him. “Are you sublimating your sexual frustration into a lust for knowledge?”

He rolls his eyes, and tosses one of the books onto my lap. “We need to find a sound-proofing spell.”

“Why on earth do we need a—”

Oh. Oh fucking _fuck._

"No."

He grimaces at me. "Unfortunately, yes."

"But— but how? Who?"

"Gareth and Rhys can hear your bed moving. They think you're wanking _constantly."_

All my spare blood rushes to my face. _Crowley,_ this is embarrassing. I consider lighting myself on fire.

Snow grins at me, the prat. "What's wrong, Baz? What was it you said before? That there's nothing to be ashamed of?"

I swing a pillow at him, and he laughs.

"If I do anything constantly, it's servicing _you."_

He snorts and flops down onto his bed with the rest of the books.

I collapse back onto my bed. “I don’t know how my bed even makes that much noise. I certainly can’t hear it in here.”

“Do you do something really weird when you’re alone?” He’s looking at me like he’s trying not to laugh.

“No!”

“Show me, then.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “What?”

“Show me how you move.” He swings his feet to the floor and sits on the edge of his bed. “I’m not asking for a show, Baz, I just want a demonstration. You know, to figure out the noise thing.”

I sigh and roll my eyes at him. “Well, I’m usually lying down.”

He nods. “Right.”

I bring my fist in front of me. “And I guess I go like this until I’m done.” I make a wanking motion.

Simon frowns. “That barely moves your bed. I don’t see why it would make so much noise downstairs.”

I glare at the ceiling. “Maybe Mummers is playing a trick on us.”

“Can it do that? Can buildings play tricks?” he asks.

I shrug. “Maybe the dormitory is trying to _out_ us.” I regret saying it almost immediately. We haven’t talked about keeping this a secret, but that seems to be what we’re doing anyway.

Now it’s Simon’s turn to shrug. “All the same, I’d prefer to disclose this sort of thing on my own terms rather than through a creaky bed frame.”

I hold my breath. I want to ask, _Do you want to disclose this at all?_

But I’m afraid of the answer.

**Simon**

In the end Baz does find something in one of the books about rooms behaving strangely. Amplifying sounds, changing dimensions, that sort of thing.

“Is there a ward we can cast?”

He’s still reading. “There must be.”

“What does the book say?”

He glares at me over the top of the book. “Let me read it, and you’ll find out.”

I cross the room and sit next to him on his bed. He looks at me suspiciously.

“Budge over,” I say, elbowing him gently.

He narrows his eyes, but shifts closer to the wall. I slip my arm around him and hook my chin over his shoulder from behind.

“What are you doing?”

I shrug. “I wanted to sit closer to you while you read.”

He pulls away and twists to look at me. “Are you trying to start something? Because I thought—”

I roll my eyes. “I’m not trying to seduce you, you numpty. I just wanted a cuddle. Now go back to reading please, and let me touch your hair while you do it.”

He stares at me unblinking. Like he’s trying to figure out what I’m on about. But then he faces forward again and leans back into my arms. I raise my hand to stroke his hair, and he sucks in a breath.

“Don’t let me distract you from reading,” I whisper against his neck, and he shivers.

“Fuck you, Snow.”

I grin to myself. I really didn’t mean to start something with this, but Baz is definitely getting riled up. I turn my face away from him and rest my cheek on his shoulder, and feel him breathe.

**Baz**

I think Simon might be dozing against my shoulder, but that doesn’t set my mind at ease. He is still quite distracting, and it’s making me tetchy.

Well. Tetchy and horny. Which is honestly a combination of feelings that I will forever associate with Simon Snow.

I’ve been trying and failing to read this page for the last ten minutes.

_He’s trying to torture me._

I huff out a breath. _He wants to make me desperate for him and then tell me no._

 _Crowley,_ why is he participating in the idiotic bet? I want to get off with his cock in my mouth.

He lets out a light snore, and I start imagining all the curses I’d cast on him if I could (and actually wanted to). He’s doing this to me, and the bastard’s not even _awake._

“Snow!”

He startles and sits up straight. “What did I do?” There’s a line of drool from the corner of his mouth to my shoulder. _Disgusting,_ I think. (I want to lick it off the corner of his lip.)

“You’re distracting me, Snow. Go away.”

He stretches his arms over his head, and peers over my shoulder. “Any progress?”

I don’t want to admit that I haven’t figured anything out. Instead I just look straight ahead and glare.

“Oh! Is this the ward we can cast?” He slips an arm under mine, curling it around my waist (I _won’t_ swoon.) and points to a passage in the book.

I look at it and growl in frustration. “I can’t bloody read it while you’re touching me, Snow!” I twist in his arms to look at him.

He looks honestly surprised, and he pulls away from me. “Sorry, Baz.” I can’t read his face.

He slips off my bed and lays down on his own. I sigh and scrub my hand over my face. “Simon—”

“Read the book, you _arse.”_

**Simon**

I am so angry and turned on. Fuck Baz.

And _fuck_ Baz. (Not that we’ve done _that_ yet.)(Yet?)(Yes, yet.)

It’s not even been a day and I’m already close to losing this stupid bet. I want to straddle him and kiss him until it hurts, and then kiss him some more.

There’s a part of my mind that wonders vaguely why I’m so angry right now. Because even I can recognize that this is a disproportionate reaction.

A mix of lust and rage slithers through me, and I can’t help but growl in frustration.

**Baz**

Simon growls, and I want to climb on top of him.

Instead I ignore him and finally manage to read the passage that he pointed out. And yes, that ward does seem like it would work.

“Snow, I think we _can_ use this spell.”

He sits up and swings his feet to the floor. “That’s good. I’m going to go somewhere else while you cast it.” And then he’s stomping out of the room.

**Penny**

I’m sitting at dinner with the same group as took on that stupid bet, and things are a little bit tense. I didn’t expect it to get like this only mere _hours_ after they started.

Almost all of the boys are perfectly calm and composed, as I would expect them to be.

But Simon. He’s glaring at Baz, and his magic is shimmering at the surface.

Well. I suppose he hasn’t given up yet.

Dev, Niall, Gareth, and Rhys glance nervously at each other. “Mate,” begins Rhys, looking at Simon, “are you OK?”

Baz stares at the table, carefully avoiding the rest of us.

Simon looks around the table, like he’s just realized we’re here. “I’ve got to get some air.” He pushes himself up abruptly and stomps away.

Dev whistles once Simon is out of the dining hall. “I think someone needs to talk to him. Or give him some tissues and tell him to quit while he’s _not_ ahead.”

Niall elbows Dev, but no one disagrees.

I don’t want to be the one to have that chat with him, so I don’t offer. But the question hangs silently in the air. _Isn’t this a job for his best mate?_

I roll my eyes. “Fine. I’ll talk to him.”

Baz carefully avoids eye contact.

**Baz**

We sleep in separate beds that night. Not that we really _mean_ to share a bed, normally. But somehow one of us climbs into the other’s bed before too long, and we feel each other up before falling asleep.

I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep without it.

Simon is restless in his bed. He keeps rolling over, and punching his pillow, and growling.

I’ll never sleep like this. “Simon,” I start, in as gentle a voice as I can. “Do you want to come over here?”

He rolls over and glares at me. “No.”

I’m quiet a moment. “Would you like me to come over there?”

“No!”

“I cast the ward on the room. I think there shouldn’t be any more problems with sound carrying.”

He buries his face in his pillow and lets out a muffled scream.

 _Just let me help you calm down,_ I want to yell. But Simon is stubborn as a mule.

“You know, no one would have to know if you slipped up.”

He pulls his face from his pillow and looks in my direction. (It’s dark, and I don’t think he can see me.)

“They would all _know_ though, and that’s humiliating.”

I frown. “How would they know?” (Gareth wanted to cast an honesty spell, but Bunce and I convinced him that was taking it too far.)

He sighs loudly, and tears at his hair. “Because I’m acting like _this,_ and they know why, and if I stop acting like a nightmare, they’ll know _why.”_

Ah. Good point. “So? Is it worth blowing up the school to maintain your pride?” I don’t mention that his pride has already taken a hit, so maybe he should just cut his losses.

He flops onto his back. “That’s what Penny said.”

“Wise one, that Bunce.”

“Shut _up,_ Baz.”

I do. I roll away from him and cover my head with my pillow, and try to let myself sleep.

**Simon**

I only know for sure that I fell asleep at all when I wake up before dawn with an erection and the memory of a really vivid sex dream.

I groan in frustration, and turn to look at Baz. I watch his back rise and fall with his breath, and try to let it calm me.

It doesn’t.

It really really doesn’t.

**Baz**

I’m somewhere between asleep and awake, and vaguely aware of fabric shifting and sliding over my skin, a huff of warm breath, and lips pressed to my hip. I hum sleepily to myself and lean into the sensation.

Warm hands hold my hip and roll me gently onto my back, and then the lips are kissing my skin again. Hovering over my hip bone, trailing across my belly, down my thigh as my pyjama bottoms slide down.

This is nice.

“Baz.” A hot whisper against the top of my thigh. “Are you awake?”

“Mhm.” (I’m really not.)

A long pause, and a tongue darts out against my skin. “Can I suck you off?”

“Mhm.” (My cock is already aching and hard. Did that happen while I slept? Or did the wandering hands and lips do that?)

“Baz.”

“Mhm?”

A gentle pinch to my side. “If you wake up, I’ll suck your cock right now.”

“I’m awake.” (I’m still really not.)

“Liar.”

The warm breath ghosts over my cock, and I start to regain awareness. Thumbs rubbing over my hip bones. My body squirming, my hips trying to roll up into the warm breath. My own hands tangled in Simon Snow’s hair. (When did that happen?)

Oh. Simon wants to suck me off. I open my eyes and look down at him.

He’s flushed, and smirking up at me, and he’s dragging his bottom lip over my skin. The spot just above the base of my prick.

“Awake now, Baz?”

I swallow, and give a nod.

And then he holds the base of my cock in his hand and swallows _me_ down.

**Simon**

This is an awful idea. I know it is. I know I’m not going to feel any better about my own situation when this is done, and I’ll still snap and snarl at everyone and take cold showers, and go absolutely mad with lust.

But at least I’ll go mad with Baz’s prick in my mouth, and the taste of his come on my tongue.

 _That’s well gay,_ I think to myself as I draw back to circle the crown of his prick with my lips. I can’t hold back a giggle at the thought, and I think the vibration makes Baz thrust up against me and moan. I smile around him, and then slide my mouth down to take more of him.

He’s holding me to him with his fingers tangled in my hair. It’s really hot. So very fucking _hot._ And it takes effort not to grind myself against the bed.

I feel like I’m on fire.

**Baz**

_What a way to wake up._ I don’t even mind that it’s still dark out.

Simon’s tongue, his lips, the humming, his hands grasping my hips, everything is turning my blood to fire. I can hear my heart pounding in my ears.

I might scream.

I tug on his hair and direct him into a rhythm that I know will get me there soon. He complies, and my toes curl. And my orgasm starts to gather at the base of my spine, pooling in my belly.

It’s so good. It’s _always_ been so good.

I think about how a mere month ago I didn’t know what this felt like. What _Simon_ felt like. And I laugh.

**Simon**

_Don’t rut into the bed,_ I have to remind myself. 

My heart is pounding in my throat, and I can feel Baz’s pulse through his cock in my mouth.

He’s close, I can tell.

Honestly, _I’m_ close. All it would take is a few thrusts against Baz’s mattress, and it would be over.

All this nonsense with the bet, and Mummers playing a trick, and people _knowing_ that I need to come, and people _knowing_ about Baz, knowing about _this,_ my lips closed around Baz’s cock and trying to swallow him down and—

**Baz**

My body crashes towards orgasm, and for a moment I desperately need to take Simon with me. I grasp weakly at his head, and try to hitch my leg over his arse to push him against the bed, and I whine, “Please please _please_ come with me Simon.”

He resists, but keeps moving over me, and soon I’m thinking of nothing but my own cresting wave of pleasure that he’s drawing out of me with his tongue.

I’m coming and I’m coming hard and shakily and noisily into his mouth. _Crowley._

**Simon**

I listen to Baz’s shaky breath and loud groans, and feel him pulse in my mouth, and I am so _jealous._ I knew I would be, but this is a level I never anticipated. Lust and rage settle in my belly as I help him ride out his orgasm, and I’m so jealous that he gets to come.

Right now I’d let Baz fuck me in the middle of the dining hall if it meant I could come.

The thought of Baz pushing me face down against a table in front of our classmates and railing me from behind is almost enough to set me off. I feel my bollocks begin to tighten, and I know I have to pull it back or I’ll lose.

I slide my mouth off Baz’s spent cock and groan while I try to still my own hips. I close my lips over the flesh of his thigh, and I bite down hard. He yelps, but then it melts into a sexy whine, and it’s almost all over for me.

I roll off of him onto my back and gasp for air. My cock throbs with need for release. I _need_ it so badly.

“Are you trying to edge yourself mad?” Baz asks, and brushes my messy hair off my forehead.

“Shut up.”

**Baz**

I don’t think it’s just the post-orgasm bliss. I think Simon truly looks incredibly beautiful like this. I mean, he’s right sexy, and I want to tease him with my mouth and my hands until he bursts. But he’s also so damned _beautiful_ as he catches his breath, and there’s a flush spreading across his face and chest, and his lips are swollen from sucking my cock.

 _Fuck me,_ how did I get so lucky.

**Simon**

Baz pulls his pyjamas up and twists to press a kiss to my forehead. It feels shockingly innocent after what I just did to him, and what my body is still trying to get me to do to myself.

And my heart swells with affection. Baz. _My_ Baz.

I creep up the bed until we’re face to face, and I grin at him. I want to tell him something. Want to give him something. But I don’t know what.

Instead I kiss him, and he kisses back greedily.

**Baz**

I’m giddy with release, and love, and the absurdity of everything, and I laugh into Simon’s mouth. I draw back. “Please let me make you come,” I beg.

But he shakes his head. “I can’t.”

I roll away from him. “Do you need me to kick you out of my bed? I know you don’t want to get off, but you're still here.”

He rolls back onto his back and growls in frustration. I reach for his hand and tangle my fingers with his.

“You are a moron,” I tell him.

“I know.” He’s breathing heavily. He sits up next to me, leans down to kiss me again, and then swings his legs off of my bed. “I’m going to take a very cold shower.”

I pull the blanket up to my chin, and watch him walk to the en suite. His cock still looks achingly hard, nearly poking out of his pyjama bottoms, and I want to take care of him. I’m so _thirsty_ for him.

Instead, I close my eyes and drift off to a blissed out sleep.

**Penny**

I'm surprised to see Simon in the dining hall this early. I know he likes to be first to breakfast, but food won't be served for another hour.

"You're up early." I drop my books on the table, startling him. Tea sloshes over the side of the teacup poised in front of his mouth.

He wipes the spilled tea from the table with his sleeve. "Trouble sleeping," he mumbles. "You?"

I sit down across from him. "Trixie woke up early." He nods in understanding. "Also, I wanted to get a start on my revision. Mum's picking me up later for lunch."

Simon pushes his tea to the side and folds his arms, resting his forehead on them.

I'm thinking about whether or not I'm obligated to follow up our awkward conversation from last night. _(Pride is overrated, Simon, wasn't exactly my most inspiring advice.)_

I'm gathering up courage to say _Simon, about yesterday..._ when he lets out a loud snore.

I sigh in relief at not having to broach the topic of my best mate's wanking habits, but then immediately feel guilty. And _then_ I wonder if this is really just about wanking or if he and Baz...

I know they have something going on between them. I'm not _blind._ Have they... Do they...

I was pretty sure they'd had sex the night before I figured them out, but now I'm not so sure. I imagine this stupid bet must complicate things, if they _are_ having sex.

I can't imagine why Simon would agree to this.

Then I remember that Simon is a dumb _boy,_ and it all makes sense.

I pour myself a cup of tea, and open a book to start my revising.

**Baz**

It's still early when I make my way into the dining hall. Penelope catches my eye, and I nod at her, before noticing Simon sprawled out across from her. My heart swells, and I try to school my expression.  
Cook Pritchard has just put out a tray of piping hot scones, so I load up a plate for Simon. (No one but Bunce has to know.)

I sit down next to Simon and make a disdainful face at him. But then I put the plate of scones next to his hand and try not to blush. Penelope can say what she will (although I give her a careful look to discourage her from saying _anything),_ but I feel like bringing Simon his breakfast is the least I can do after he woke me up with _phenomenal_ head this morning. (If I can't reciprocate, at least I can give him food.)

I can barely take my eyes off his sleeping face, tipped to the side, drooling on his sleeve. But aside from Bunce the dining hall is near empty, so I indulge myself. I know Bunce knows about us. Simon has this ridiculous _no secrets_ pact with her, plus I know Penelope Bunce isn't stupid.

"So, Baz." She grins at me and closes her book. "How are _things?"_

I feel myself blushing even more, but I don't know that I have enough blood in me for it to be visible. "Things are _fine,_ Bunce."

She leans in, almost conspiratorially. "What _is_ going on between you two? I know it's something, but Simon won't tell me what."

I almost don't answer, but she's caught me off guard. "He won't tell you? Have you asked?"

She nods. "I thought maybe he wasn't sure what you'd be comfortable sharing."

I don't know what to make of that, but I keep my face blank.

"So, are you and Simon dating? Or..."

My façade must slip, because before I can give her a cool, vague answer about minding her own business, she frowns and says, "Oh, Baz."

"What, _oh, Baz?_ What the hell, Bunce?" I'm whispering so I don't wake Simon up, but my voice is laced with venom.

Penelope opens her mouth to respond, but then Dev stumbles sleepily to the table and flops down next to me. "Oi, mate. Pour me a cuppa?"

I take a breath, and look at Bunce. She gives me a gentle smile, and I don't know what's she's about. I turn to Dev. "Pour your own tea."

I get up from the table and storm out of the dining hall, grabbing a plate of food on my way.

**Simon**

I wake up to Gareth slapping my back, and I'm just about ready to slap him back when I see the plate of scones in front of me. I look at Penny. "The scone fairy visited you in your dreams, Simon." She gives my a knowing smile, and I can tell she's teasing me. They must have come from Baz.

The table is full now, and even Agatha is sitting with us, reading a book. I'm afraid to make eye contact with her. We aren't together anymore, but still I feel guilty about what I'm doing with Baz.

I try to keep my voice casual when I ask Penny, "Was Baz here?"

She smirks, but before she can answer, Dev chimes in, "Yeah mate, you were asleep. Can I have one of your scones? This lot wouldn't let me take one without asking."

I wave my hand vaguely towards him, and he reaches for one of the scones.

"So," says Niall. "Has anyone lost the bet yet?" All eyes turn towards me, and I feel my ears turn pink.

Agatha looks up from her book. "What bet?"

Before anyone answers her, I grit my teeth and mumble, "I _haven't_ lost. Please stop looking at me." I fold my arms again and hide my face in them.

"Lost what, though?"

Penny turns to Agatha. "This lot are competing to see who can go a full month without getting off."

Agatha frowns. "But _why?"_

I feel Penny and Agatha's eyes on me, as if I were the spokesman for this whole thing. "It was Gareth's idea," I mumble into my sleeves.

"Is that actually even difficult to do, though?" Agatha asks, and I feel my face heat up. (I can't let anyone see my face right now.)

The rest of the table is silent.

"It's, uh..." Penny starts, hesitantly. "It's different for boys, Agatha."

I risk a look at Agatha. She sits up straighter, and I know she's trying to cover her embarrassment. "Well... What is a more reasonable amount of time." She clears her throat. "To go without... you know."

Dev laughs. "Well, _some_ of us seem to be struggling with a single _day—"_ Niall elbows him to shut him up.

I can feel my face burning, and dip my head back down to my folded arms.

"Uh, well..." Rhys begins, "I think... a few days?" I peer at him and he's looking around the table for consensus. "But, I mean... everyone is different," he ends lamely, settling his eyes on me.

The table is quiet, except for my heart thundering in my ears. _Please don't make a sex joke about me and Agatha,_ I silently beg my peers. _Please._

"You know who's an _absolute_ wanker who can't go more than 12 hours without?" Gareth laughs, and I hold my breath. "Baz!"

I let out my breath. That is not what I was expecting from Gareth, and I'm caught off guard. I sit up to look at him.

"Yeah, it's true. Rhys and I can hear his bed creaking _all_ the time, right Rhys?"

Rhys looks at him uncomfortably. "Uh, yeah, I mean..."

"Even early this morning! Simon, you must've slept through it, but it was loud down in our room."

Everyone is clearly uncomfortable, but Gareth doesn't seem to notice. "That must be why he decided—"

"Oi. Mate." Niall puts a hand on Gareth's arm. "Stop."

The table falls silent again. I'm silently swearing at myself. _Baz's ward must not have worked._

Penny awkwardly breaks the silence. "Well... I've got to get going..."

There are murmurs of agreement. I stand and pick up the plate of scones to take back to my room. Baz and I will need them to sort out this ward issue.

**Baz**

It might be immature to throw a snit and hide in the library, but I can live with that. All the same, I'm relieved when Simon comes around a bookshelf and spots me, smiling.

He sits across from me. "I was looking for you." He leans in closer and lowers his voice. "Thanks for the scones." He practically smirks at me, and I'm near done for. My face flushes, and I stare down at his hand on the table. I want to hold it. But I don't.

"Can I talk to you in private?"

I raise an eyebrow. "Private, like our private room?"

He blushes. "I was thinking less private than that."

I frown at him.

"Like..." His voice lowers even more and I have to lean in to hear him. "More _snog in a dark corner_ private than _sex_ private."

"Are you asking to snog in a dark corner?" We've never _just_ snogged, aside from that first time, and the idea of it is making me oddly giddy. I try to keep it out of my voice.

He rubs his neck. "Well, I mean, I do actually have something to talk to you about, but... yeah. Can we do that?"

**Simon**

There's a beat up old sofa in a seldom used corner of the library, and I'm fairly certain generations of students have _probably_ had sex on it. I try not to think too hard about that.

Baz and I are crowded together on the edge of the sofa that's hidden by bookshelves, and we're snogging, and it is so...

I nearly sigh into his mouth. I know I came here to actually _talk_ to him, but his lips are soft, and his hands on my face are just so...

I smile against his mouth, and everything is just so bloody _lovely,_ isn't it?

We're snogging on the library sex-couch like a normal couple, right in the middle of the day, where anyone could see us, and it's making my heart swell. Slow, unhurried making out, with his knees hitched across my lap and my palms pressed to his back.

 _Merlin,_ this is good. I didn't know kissing just for the sake of kissing could be like this.

I try not to think about what any of this means, but it's hard to ignore the ache in my chest.

Baz pulls away, but keeps his hands on my face. He gently rubs his thumb over my cheek, and I keep my eyes closed. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Mm." I tip my face clumsily towards his, trying to catch his lips again. (My eyes are still closed, but I follow the sound of his hushed voice.)

"Simon," he tries to say sternly, but then he's pressing his lips to mine again. I smile against him again, and reach up to tangle a hand in his hair and hold him to me.

He opens his mouth to speak again, but I slip my tongue in his mouth and he doesn't object. Just hums in surprise, and moves his tongue against mine.

We go on like that for a long while, until he pulls away, laughing. "Seriously, Snow, what did you want to talk about?"

I laugh, too, as I lazily open my eyes to look at him. But he's sat there, draped across my lap, pink lips and mussed hair, and I can't breathe. My heart clenches in my chest, and I can't help the brief moment of panic that spreads through me.

He's so _fucking lovely_ and it makes me feel like I'm dying.

He frowns at me. "Snow? Are you all right?"

I steady my breathing, will my heart to calm down, and nod. "Yeah, I'm fine." And then I am.

**Baz**

I don't understand the way Snow is looking at me, but it's stoking a dangerous, hopeful thought. I try not to think it.  
I slide my hands from his face to rest my arms lazily across his shoulders. I try not to stare at his lips, but it's no minor feat. But then again, he's staring at mine.

I'm not sure who leans in first.

"For snake's sake, Snow," I mumble against his lips. "Stop kissing me and _talk."_

"Mm." He pulls away and keeps his eyes shut a moment, like he's trying to remember what he wanted to say. (Or maybe like he's working up the courage to say it.)  
I stare at his lips, and rub my thumb across the spot behind his ear. He squirms against me and opens his eyes. "We, uh. We need a new ward. The one you cast yesterday doesn't work."

I drop my hand back to his shoulder. "What? How do you know?"

"Gareth, ah, he told everyone at breakfast this morning. That he heard you. Y'know, this morning."

I narrow my eyes at him. "Heard _us_ you mean."

"Well, yeah, but apparently the idea of the two of us shagging is too insane to comprehend, so everyone just thinks it's you."

I swing my legs off of Simon's lap. "Is it? Too insane to comprehend?" I'm hurting and I want to lash out. I draw my arms from him and fold them in front of myself.

"Baz! That's not what I meant. I just—"  
"Doesn't matter, Snow. Forget it." I move to the other end of the couch. It _does_ matter. That's why I can't just storm off like I always do.

We're both quiet. He turns his body to face me squarely, bringing a dirty shoe up onto the sofa and crossing his legs. He opens his mouth to speak, but pauses. So I slip my wand from my sleeve and cast a quick **clean as a whistle** under my breath to clean the dirt from his shoe off the couch.

He scowls at me, flustered and irritated. _Good,_ I catch myself thinking. _Get irritated with me and get on with it, Snow. We both know this can't last._

"Baz." I cock an eyebrow at him coolly. He growls in frustration. "Could you just _stop_ for a moment. Stop being all—" He waves his hand at me. "—fake calm, or whatever this is."

"Would you have me dither and sputter? What would you like me to do, Snow?"

He hassles his curls, and even through my anger I want to pull his hand away and smooth them down. "Baz... Are we— It's just— I don't know if we—"

"Spit it out, Snow."

He growls again and tugs his hair. "Are we _dating,_ you _pillock?"_

I gape at him, but recover quickly. "I don't recall ever going on any _dates_ with you. Unless rolling around on the floor and sucking each other off is your idea of a _date."_

"That's not what I'm saying. Agatha and I never went on any actual dates—"

I lean towards him and spit, "I don't want to hear about you and _Agatha."_

He closes his mouth and just stares at me.

 **Simon**  
This, right now, is making me hard. The kissing, and then the _fighting,_ and now Baz is _jealous_ and I just want to take him to bed.

I also want to know if we're boyfriends. Is that something you have to agree on? Or does it just happen if you kiss and fool around enough? I can't just _ask_ him.

I can kiss him though.

**Baz**

Simon is looking at me like he's deciding whether to punch me or throttle me. Good. Get it over with, Snow.

But then he's closing the distance between us and toppling me backwards until I'm flat on my back. All at once he's kissing me again, and pressing his body over mine, and _Crowley_ he's hard. From arguing with me? The thought of it gets me hot, too.

I hitch a leg over his hip and surge up against him before I remember that we're in the _library._ And now that we're sprawled out across the couch, we're much more visible than before.

Still, I tangle my fingers in his hair and pull him into a rough kiss. "Fuck you, Snow," I mumble into his mouth. He whines, and rolls his hips into mine.

**Dev**

I'm feeling optimistic about winning this bet, or at least not losing before Snow gives in. "Like falling off a log," I told Niall.

He rolled his eyes at me at that, and insisted that we still have revising to do in the library. _Spoil sport._ I was hoping to help Baz plot against Snow. He _must_ have something planned while Snow is compromised.

But study we must, so study we shall. Also, Baz wasn't in his room when I looked for him.

We grab our usual table in the library and unload our books.

"Are you prepared for the Magic Words exam on Thursday?" Niall asks.

"Nah, mate, but that's why I have you, yeah?" I grin at him and he rolls his eyes.  
Keris sidles up to our table. "Are you lot studying for Magic Words? Can I join you?"

She sits at our table before either of us answer, so I shrug. "Sure, why not."  
She starts to pull her books from her bag, but she stops, staring ahead. "I didn't know your friend was gay." She cocks her head curiously.

"Who?"

"Baz."

Niall and I exchange a look. "Well," he begins the well rehearsed speech, "we try not to assume anything, and figure that if he _is_ gay, he'll tell us when he's ready, so we don't—"

Keris interrupts him. "That's all wonderful and supportive, mate, but he's underneath Simon Snow over there." And she points.

Niall and I both swivel our heads to look, and see that she's right.  
"Oh," I say dumbly. "Must be why Snow's struggling with the bet."

"Are they..." Niall tilts his head. "Are they dry humping on the sofa?"

"Oi, that's my cousin, mate."  
None of the three of us can look away.  
"Yeah, I think they are," says Keris solemnly.

"Should we..." Niall swallows. "Uh... Let them know we can see them?"

"Should do, yeah," says Keris.

None of us move.

Keris looks between me and Niall. "Alright, I'll be the proper wingman here. Send a lesbian to do a best mate's job." We snap our heads towards her, and she rolls her eyes.

She gets up, carrying her Magic Words book, and tiptoes across the library. We're watching, our breath held. She creeps closer, ducks down another aisle. And then she drops her book with a startling thud.  
Snow startles, and jerks away from Baz, but this only sends him toppling to the floor. I can't help but snort out a laugh, but then Niall is smacking my arm. We keep watching as Baz swings his legs off the sofa, and then he's saying something to Snow. Offering him a hand up. And then...  
"Oh shit," says Niall. "He's looking this way."  
We drop our gazes, staring hard at the table. Pretending we've been studying this whole time, except our books aren't even open. _Bollocks._

**Simon**

I very nearly lost the bet just then. Lost it all over my trousers. _Christ,_ we're in the _library._

Baz extends a hand and hauls me back onto the couch. "All right, then Snow?" He avoids my eyes. It feels like the anger has burned off, and now we're back to whatever it is we do when we're not fighting or snogging or shagging.

Which is what?

We sit awkwardly next to each other on the sofa, not touching. Not talking.

"That was..." Baz begins.

"So fucking hot," I supply.

He jerks his head towards me, and just gapes. "Snow. Don't talk like that if you aren't willing to back it up." He stares me down, and I feel my face flush. Merlin, I'm still hard.

This is all so absurd, and I start to laugh. Baz looks at me, then he laughs too, and I reach down and twine my fingers with his while we try to suppress giggles.

 **Dev**  
"Are they holding _hands?"_ Keris hisses. She's snuck back around, and has joined us back at our table.

"Shh!" Niall and I hiss back at her.

**Baz**

My heart is in my throat, because Simon is holding my hand. It feels like a juvenile thing to gawp over, but I can't help it. A wide smile spreads across my face. My face bloody _hurts_ with how much I'm smiling.

**Dev**

"I've literally _never_ seen Baz make that face before."

"Shh!" Niall and Keris hiss at me.

**Simon**

Baz is smiling at me, and my heart stutters in my chest. He's so lovely.

"You're lovely," I say.

**Baz**

My breath catches in my throat. _Lovely._ I want to lean in and kiss him again, hands held tightly between us.

But… “No.” His face falls. (Mine does, too.)

_“What?”_

I pull my hand from his. “No, we’re not dating. And no, you don’t think I’m lovely.”

He scowls at me. “I think I know my own thoughts, Baz.”

I raise an eyebrow at him, and he flushes. (With anger? Arousal?) “Do you though, Snow?”

“Piss off.”

I start to rise from the sofa. “Gladly.”  
He reaches for me. “Baz, wait.”

I don’t let him touch me, but I sit down again regardless. “Simon, you just want to get off with me. I’m convenient. You do _not_ think I’m lovely. Because I certainly am _not_.”

He gapes at me. “I can want to get off with you _and_ think you’re lovely.” He tugs at his curls in frustration. “Believe it or not, sometimes feelings work that way when you’re—”

“No.” I cut him off. “You do not have _feelings_ for me, Snow. You are delirious with sexual frustration.”

“But I—”

“Simon.”

Shit. Not the time to use his first name. His eyes go a little soft looking at me.

I sigh, and rise from the sofa again. “Talk to me when the month is over. You need a clarity wank to sort out your feelings.”

And then I walk out of the library to find a place to cry.

**Dev**

“What…what just _happened?”_ The three of us stare at each other.

Snow is sitting dejectedly on the sofa, alone.  
“Did we just witness the world’s quickest break up?” I ask.

**Simon**

I don’t know what else to do so I sit on the steps in the courtyard and wait for Penny to get back. It’s right bloody freezing, but I don’t care.

I watch her step out of her mum’s car and give me a _look._ Christ, she sees right through me.

She calls goodbye to her mum, who’s also giving me a look, albeit a different one. Then she strides towards me and crosses her arms. “All right there, Simon?”

I shake my head. “No, not really.”

Penny sits down next to me and shivers. She’s cold, and I put an arm around her as she leans against me.

“I think it’s over with Baz.”

She pulls away to look at my face. “Yeah?”  
“Yeah.”

She doesn’t say anything. Just tucks herself back under my arm and stares ahead. I _know_ she has questions. _I_ have questions. But she isn’t asking them, and for that I could kiss her.

She just waits for me to talk. Eventually I do.

"I think... I think I feel something for Baz." I close my eyes. "He said I'm not thinking clearly."

"Are you? He may have a point, Simon."

I look at her and shrug. "Dunno. Maybe not."

She tips her head onto my shoulder. "Maybe you should give up this stupid bet," she whispers.

She's right, but I'm not ready to admit it. "That would be humiliating. I'd have to tell _Gareth_ and everyone else that I—" I decide I can't talk about wanking while I have my arm around Penny. "... y'know," I finish lamely.

"Is that really worse than losing whatever it is that you have with Baz?"

 _No. Absolutely not._ But I don't answer.

We sit for a bit longer in silence. Then Penny gets up and brushes off the back of her skirt. "I'm going back to the Cloisters." She looks at me meaningfully. "Think about what's important to you, Simon."

And I do. As she walks away, I draw my knees up to rest my chin and _think._

**Baz**

I skip dinner out of humiliation, and use that time instead to sneak up to our room. _Surely_ Snow is in the dining hall now, and I won't have to look at him.

Which is why I'm surprised when I open the door and find Simon sitting on my bed, looking sheepish.

The air of our room is thick with his smell. "Did you—" I start to ask, but then cut myself off. He's clearly just gotten himself off, by the smell of him. In _my bed,_ judging by the rumpled sheets. I swallow thickly, and try not to combust.

"Yeah, I, uh—"

"You don't have to..." I trail off. "Why in my bed, though?"

He blushes and avoids my eye. "I threw the bet. I mean, I lost it. On purpose." His eyes flick to mine and hold my gaze. "For you."

"That's not quite the romantic gesture you might think it is, Snow."

He looks at the floor just next to my feet. "Sorry. I meant that to come across differently."

My heart squeezes in my chest. "Did you think you could woo me by wanking in my bed? All you've done is given me is laundry to do."

His face pales. "I already cleaned it up, you don't need to—" 

"It will still _smell_ like you, Snow." _And I can't bear that._

He stares down at his hands. "So it's over. _We're_ over."

"There never was an _us,_ Snow," I seethe. "We can't break up, because we were never _together."_

Don't cry. For fuck's sake don't _cry._ (He might be. Crying, I mean.)

I glare at him. "Get off my bed, you arse."

He does, and brushes past me to rush into the en suite. 

I've right fucked this up. I collapse into my bed and bury my face in the sheets. I breathe in his scent, and let myself cry. 


End file.
